PART 5

I then spent most of that afternoon bored out of my mind in the living room armchair, while Aunt Maud tirelessly regaled my mum with her unavoidable array of reheated gossip and arduous platitudes over a pot of tea.

I felt trapped, condemned to endure not only the hunting scenes in the room’s despicable tapestry, but also the irritating dong sounds from the Grandfather clock standing in the corner like a prison guard.

I tried the television, but, as luck would have it, only one channel came on. I stumbled on The Young and the Restless, and I shut it off as quickly as possible.

On the shelves, dolls dressed in folk clothes and kitsch plaster figurines stared at me with empty eyes: I held back a scream.

The evening’s meal did nothing to boost my morale. In front of me was placed a plate of black pudding and spinach. I’ll let you guess all the lovely things that went through my mind. To top it all off, Aunt Maud obviously asked me the two same questions that get asked at every proper family reunion: How are you doing at school? and What do you want to do when you grow up?

Given my silence, my mum answered for me, telling Aunt Maud that I took nothing seriously and that, given the way things were going, I would end up sleeping under bridges and blah blah blah. Aunt Maud was listening and nodding, using the moment where my mum stopped for breath to give me either a Your mummy’s right, duck, or a Charlipoo! You have to work in order to go somewhere.

The cherry on the cake was no doubt Eugene, a toothless guy who lived next to Aunt Maud and who was invited for supper. When dessert came he let himself loose, pronouncing the most amount of nonsensical sentences I have ever heard in such a short period of time. No one was able to stop him. For example, I learned that he never stretched because he was so husky and he was worried he would rip a muscle.

Captivating, isn’t it?

And to think that at that exact moment, I could have been celebrating Halloween with all my buddies…

(Go to PART 6)